Looking for a girlfriend? We live on a planet with around four billion women, but it sure isn’t easy to make one your partner. Girls are incredibly picky, and for good reason – finding the right boyfriend is a feat of its own!
There are so many things to consider when getting into a relationship that it makes your head spin. Do you have the same life goals? Are your personalities a good fit? What are your expectations?
Figuring out the right match is a minefield in and of itself, not to mention the paradox of choice. According to psychologist Barry Schwartz, too much choice can actually make you less happy – after all, the grass can always be greener elsewhere.
When you decide to get into a relationship, do keep in mind that there will always be other fish in the sea – but you have decided to commit to this one, and choosing her every day is an act of love.
Of course, deciding to set your heart on someone isn’t enough to make her your girlfriend, which begs the question:
How do you get a girlfriend?
Get ready to have all your questions answered!
The First Thing You Should Consider
There’s plenty of advice on how to get a girlfriend out there – some better, some worse.
They say you need to be an alpha male with a six-pack or a high-value CEO of an international company. They say you’ve got to win a medal at flirting. They say you should be so fiercely independent that you’re basically emotionally unavailable.
In short, they say all sorts of stuff that aren’t necessarily the key to getting a girlfriend.
The first thing you need to ask yourself is much simpler than that:
“Do I want a girlfriend? Or do I need a girlfriend?”
People are social animals. To a certain degree, we all need each other to survive – however, expressing this need too much can be a real hindrance to your dating game.
That’s because most women hate it when you’re desperate. As the clinical sexologist, Kelly Johnson, Ph.D., explains: “That much attention can be perceived as desperation or a lack of independence. It could mean that they’re a little more codependent than you’d like them to be.”
She goes on to say that “it shows maturity if you hold back a bit.”
Let’s circle back to my question – do you feel like you can’t survive another day without a GF? Or are you comfortable with where you are in life and are looking to share your journey with someone?
If it’s the latter, congratulations! The first step is complete. Soon, you’ll be ready to mingle.
How to Find a Girlfriend: The Kind of Man You Want to Become
“How can I get a girlfriend easily in 2023?” I hear you ask.
Well, if you’re looking for easy, you may find it really freaking difficult. If there’s something women definitely aren’t, it’s easy. That’s for sure.
What’s more, the 21st century is a time of great divide – some women are looking for a dominant man to take them out to dinner, while others will fight you tooth and nail to pay for their own coffee.
Often, the kind of man you should be in order to attract women largely depends on what sort of woman you’re looking to date in the first place. There will always be girls who share the same values as you do, and there will always be those who don’t.
It’s all about finding the right match.
Or is it?
Unfortunately, things are even more complicated than that. Once you find a woman who has similar opinions and life goals to yours, there’s still the issue of making her fall in love with you and agree to be your girlfriend.
On that front, most women do look for similar things in a man. Phew! Some rulebook is definitely better than no rulebook, I’ll tell you that for sure.
Here are our ten best tips on getting a girlfriend in 2023!
» You Might Like: The What Women Find Attractive in Men.
Don’t Forsake Your Values Just to Get in Her Good Books
I’m a vegetarian. I once spoke to a guy who fancied me, and a few days after I told him I was a veggie, he declared he’d stopped eating meat.
“Why?” I asked him. “I mean, have you done any research? Do you know why you’re doing this?”
“Huh, well, huh, meat’s bad, right?”
I knew that the moment he’d realize there was no future for us, his vegetarian conviction would sail away into the dying sun. He’d start fancying someone else and maybe take her to a steakhouse for dinner.
His flexible ethics absolutely did not get him in my good books – it’s safe to say those books were closed and hidden in a restricted section of a long-abandoned library.
My point being – your values and principles make you who you are. If you switch up just to appeal to her, she’ll see you have no integrity to speak of and will doubt how stable your character really is.
Own what you believe in. If your values inherently clash, maybe it’s not the right match after all. I’ve now been dating a meat eater for three years because I respect his decisions and principles.
Give Her the Space to Catch Feelings
Every girl needs to feel like she’s not being pressured into a relationship. Otherwise, your chances of dating her might significantly drop.
People will tell you that the best strategy here is to play hard to get. Ignore her texts here and there. Appear mysterious and unavailable.
And while research actually confirms that this little game works when it comes to sparking romantic desire, the very same study shows that honest and engaging conversation makes you like each other more.
An unavailable man will make women want him. An honest man who shows interest will be the one they actually like. Since every relationship’s survival largely depends on the quality of your friendship and the connection you form with one another, bare desire isn’t going to do it.
Not to mention that emotional unavailability sets you up for an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
Giving her the space she needs is a different thing entirely. It’s about taking things at her pace, about not shouting from the rooftops how much you love her after one week, and about never pushing her to do anything.
If you’re too forceful or keep bombarding her with lovey-dovey text messages, she might easily freak out and entirely end the whole thing.
She’d be right to do so – love bombing is considered to be a big red flag by psychologists.
» Related: You’re sure to enjoy this article on How to Flirt Over Text.
Don’t Let Rejection Turn You Bitter
Some men would journey to the end of the world for the girl they’re in love with – only to turn bitter and vile the second she rejects him.
Research shows this phenomenon is a result of thinking you have a “fixed personality.” If you don’t see yourself as a work in progress that changes over time and prefer to attach every single thing that happens to you to your sense of identity, each rejection will be a threat to your sense of self.
Each woman who doesn’t want to be your girlfriend will be personally attacking who you are.
This mindset can easily turn you bitter, making it even more difficult to find a girlfriend in the future. What’s more, it makes your whole self-esteem depend on someone else’s romantic reciprocation, rendering you fragile and vulnerable.
Instead of seeing every rejection as a threat, always remember that it’s rarely ever personal. She might be recovering from a breakup or not looking for a relationship. You might also not be her type, which is completely okay. Your personalities may not work together.
This has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the mismatch between two people – one of whom you simply happen to be.
Moreover, your personality is always evolving. Don’t use romantic reciprocation as a shelter from losing your sense of self – be that shelter. Having a stable footing when it comes to your self-esteem can do wonders for your attractiveness.
Compliment Her in the Right Way
Girls want to feel beautiful. They also don’t want to be loved just for their physical appearance.
Be the best of both worlds – compliment her beauty while also showing her how much you genuinely appreciate other sides of her, such as her intellect, fierceness, generosity, or whichever qualities you admire most about her.
Never give compliments just because an online article told you so, though. You’ve got to mean them.
Don’t Be a “Nice Guy” – Be an Actually Nice Guy
“Nice Guys” have been mocked online for years now. This, however, isn’t because women would rather date a bad boy than someone who’s genuinely kind – it has much more to do with how “Nice Guys” approach women and relationships.
According to Dr. Robert Glover who has studied the issue of the “Nice Guy Syndrome,” there is often an agenda behind the Nice Guy’s behavior – a covert contract of sorts. If you’re nice to a girl without her having to ask for your affection, she should automatically repay the favor, ideally by becoming your girlfriend.
This isn’t how things really work, of course. A guy who’s actually nice will always understand that no matter how much affection he shows, the woman he’s in love with may still reject him – and isn’t evil for doing so.
Love isn’t transactional. Girls want to know that there is no debt to be paid if you do them a favor or show them love. She wants to know you do these things because you love her, not because you silently expect something from her.
Mature women love men who are genuinely kind and respectful. Don’t be a Nice Guy. Be a guy who’s actually nice. That’s how you get a girlfriend.
» You might like this guide on How to Know if a Girl Likes You.
Show Ambition and Drive
If there’s a prize for the least attractive quality in men, laziness would win it. No doubt.
Here’s how to get a GF: Show that there’s a zeal for life inside you. Not a spark. Not a flame. A whole-ass fire.
Have dreams that aren’t just empty words – show you’re actively working on achieving your goals. Be assertive. Don’t shift from foot to foot while life passes you by.
This doesn’t mean that you need to be some sort of an alpha male or even the main breadwinner in order to get a girlfriend, though! Some women love their successful careers and are looking for emotional support rather than an economic one. It depends on what kind of woman you want to go for.
However, most women would agree that a boyfriend who plays video games for 10 hours a day and doesn’t lift a finger at home is a bit of a lost cause. A video game never hurt anybody, don’t get me wrong – but men are at their most attractive when they know how to skillfully balance work, romance, and entertainment.
So, show her you know what you want in life. Show her you’re going after it. And maybe wash those dishes.
A man who can take care of himself? That’s boyfriend material right there.
Confidence, Not Arrogance
Confidence is hot. What’s more, healthy self-esteem is vital to a thriving relationship.
It’s easy to mistake confidence for arrogance, though. Boasting about all your achievements, explaining every single theoretical concept to her, and mocking her abilities behind the veil of jesting won’t get you very far.
The major difference between confidence and arrogance lies in the amount of respect you have for others. As psychologists Adam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer say:
“Confidence and deference are not mutually exclusive, and it’s usually a lack of deference rather than an excess of confidence that gets powerful people into trouble.”
The best way to find a girlfriend is to show you’re comfortable in your own skin and love who you are – while also displaying deference and respect at the same time.
Girls love calm and healthy confidence.
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Ask Her Questions and Listen
Most women would kill (figuratively, of course) for a man who asks about their day and genuinely listens to them when they open up.
If you ask her lots of questions about herself, attentively listen to what she has to say, and then offer follow-up questions together with your own experiences… you’re already doing better than 90% of men out there.
Generally, girls are looking to be:
- Listened to
- Cared for
Show her how much she matters to you. Develop a genuine interest in the workings of her mind and the tiny occurrences of her daily life.
Oh, and don’t forget to offer your own bits and pieces to add to the conversation – women adore it when they can sense you’re slowly opening up, letting them see your inner-core.
Make the Little Things Count
Falling in love isn’t just about grand gestures, flowers, and kissing under the stars. Far from it.
It’s often the little things that make her drawn to you – the moment you remember to ask about her day, the way your fingers brush against each other, or the fact that you once brought her soup when she felt ill.
Grand gestures are one-off occasions. After all, you can’t wow someone every day, otherwise the beauty of the gesture would fade.
Daily life, though… that’s where falling in love truly happens. That’s where the little things are strung together like firelights, working their magic.
So, make them count.
Be Straight-Up About What You Want
In the end, it’s your honesty and openness that make the most difference. If you’ve been hanging out with a girl for some time and can sense that there might be a spark…
Ask her. The best piece of advice on how to get a girlfriend is also the simplest one.
Express what you’re looking for, ask her if she’d be interested in the same thing, and if all goes well, ask her to be your girlfriend.
Sometimes, a bit of courage is all you need.
» Readers’ Favorite: You might like this in-depth guide on How to Attract a Woman.
Here’s What You Don’t Need to Get a Girlfriend
Now that our tips on getting a girlfriend have come to an end, it’s time to clarify some common misconceptions.
To find a girlfriend, you don’t necessarily need to:
- Have a six-pack. Look, a guy in good physical condition is always a plus. However, many women don’t care about your muscles as much as they do about your character & your face. You don’t need to hit the gym six times a week for two years just to get a girlfriend.
- Win some kind of Nobel prize for flirting. Flirting is fun and all, but it’s not what a girl ultimately falls in love with. She wants to know you for who you truly are – so be your authentic self. If you’ve tried flirting before and just find it too difficult, don’t force it. A girl who’s right for you won’t care if you flirt or not.
- Be super loaded. High economic status is a plus, not a requirement – for most 21st-century women, anyway. As long as you do something you love and are able to get by comfortably, there’s no reason to feel like you’re the last in the race of dating. If you stick to the tips above, you actually might be outmatching many CEOs no matter your profession.
How to Meet Women IRL
Admittedly, the internet has completely transformed the dating landscape of our times. That doesn’t mean you can’t get a girlfriend in real life, though!
Remember that tip about calm confidence? That’s going to come in handy right now.
To meet more women, get out of your comfort zone. Sign up for clubs, go to meetups, or be more aware of your surroundings when you’re in public. If you see a woman that catches your eye, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t approach her – as long as you do it respectfully.
Good conversation starters are a great way to go about it. Maybe you like the book she’s reading, maybe you’re looking for directions, or perhaps you just think she’s incredibly beautiful and would like to ask her out for a cup of coffee.
In general, women don’t mind being asked out if you’re polite and respectful. If she says no, all you have to say is “no worries,” smile, and leave her to it! Don’t push it.
» Readers’ Favorite: Check out this guide on Awesome Date Ideas.
How to Get a Girlfriend Online
Approaching women online is a different story altogether. In a world of dating apps and multiplayer video games, though, it’s a completely valid choice that can land you in a happy relationship.
According to one Swiss study, the relationship satisfaction of couples that met online is just as high as that of those who met offline. What’s more, the first group is actually more inclined to be together long-term.
Not bad, huh?
To get a girlfriend online, make sure you’re representing yourself in an authentic and approachable way.
When it comes to dating apps, aim to:
- Show clear pictures of yourself (and be alone on most of them – group pictures with your male friends make it difficult to recognize you)
- Not lie about your height – girls who are worth it will go on a date with you no matter how tall you are. Plus, they’ll see your height eventually anyway, so it’s best to own it!
- Include some titbits about your personality & hobbies (wit and good humor will make you stand out)
- Ask her interesting questions and have intriguing conversations
- Let things evolve at her own pace – if she doesn’t want to go on a real date just yet, give her some time (or find someone who’s happy to go out sooner if it’s very important to you)
If you’re looking to make your long-distance friend or co-player your girlfriend, video chatting is your best bet.
For one, it’s more personal. It will also give both of you the space to develop feelings for each other based on your facial expressions, body language, voice, and the general vibe you give off.
Off to form a deeper connection you go!
Final Thoughts on How to Get a Girlfriend in 2023
“Can I get a girlfriend?” you’re wondering.
The answer is simple. Yes, you can! Anyone can find a girlfriend if you know how to attract and approach women – and if you continue to be an amazing boyfriend once you get into a relationship.
To sum up, our best 10 tips on how to get a girlfriend are:
- Cherish your values and don’t switch up just to appease her
- Give her the space she needs to catch feelings – don’t put her under pressure
- Don’t take rejection personally and don’t attach your self-esteem to romantic reciprocation
- Compliment both her looks and her personality
- Don’t view your relationship as a transaction – be genuinely kind and loving instead
- Show ambition and drive, not laziness & passivity
- Be confident in your own skin, but don’t get too arrogant
- Ask her lots of questions and listen attentively
- Make the little things count
- Be straight-up about what you want
And before you go, here’s our last tip:
Believe in yourself.
If someone isn’t the right match for you, that’s okay! Remember – there are four billion women out there. You’ll find the right person eventually.
When was the last time you were in a relationship?
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