“Hey beautiful, how are you?”
Uhm, okay, let’s try again.
“You’re hot. Wanna meet?”
It’s safe to say that message isn’t a success either.
Online dating apps have taken the world by storm in recent years, and many people end up in long-term relationships as a result of meeting online.
But how do you send the best online dating messages that actually get a response? How do you stand out? And what’s the best way to break the ice with someone you’ve never even met?
Men don’t have it easy. According to research, men send first messages on dating apps three times more than women. They also have to swipe much more often to get a match, not to mention the number of women who leave you on seen.
The first message you send is crucial. Luckily, there’s a way to beat the game.
Let’s dive in!
11 Online Dating Basics: First Message Tips
First – the basics.
If you want to stand out in online dating messages, you’ve got to make an effort. “Hi, what r u up 2” isn’t going to get you there.
Ideally, your online dating messages should stick to the rules below:
1. Use her name
This has been shown to create an atmosphere of respect and recognition in the relationship, and it’s also a little bit more personal (which is a plus).
2. Ask questions
Questions are the spark every conversation needs to grow into something bigger, and it also shows you have an interest in getting to know her.
3. Don’t come off too strong
Many women stop responding the moment they sense weird vibes, such as wanting to get too close too quickly. Keep your distance. You’re two strangers, after all.
4. Don’t compliment her appearance straight away
Focus on her bio or other discussion-triggering questions rather than her photos. Of course, women do want to feel wanted – but more than that, they want to feel appreciated.
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5. Don’t draw things out for too long
Psychologists recommend keeping the online dating stage below the 2-week limit.
6. Don’t overthink it and don’t send unnecessarily long messages
Stats show that messages which take you about 2 minutes to write receive more replies than the longer ones.
7. Funnily enough, bad weather is a breeding ground for online dating
If there’s a storm outside, the activity on dating apps skyrockets. So, make sure to get on there when the time’s right.
8. Choose your apps wisely
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, for example, Bumble, Match, or Hinge may be a better option than Tinder. If you’re really into hiking and want to find a girlfriend who will go on long mountain trips with you, find an app that filters your options by specific interests, such as OkCupid.
» Related: Why is Dating so Hard These Days? (The Answers Might Surprise You)
9. Create an interesting profile that contains some relevant information about you
Also, make sure to add a profile picture that has only you on it. Some men love to post group photos on dating apps. Unfortunately, women can get quickly bored trying to figure out whose face is yours, and move on.
10. If you’ve received a reply and are in the midst of a conversation, try to put in the same amount – or slightly more – effort than she does
Some women like to be chased a little, but overall, you shouldn’t spend too much time on a woman who isn’t showing interest.
11. Think about who you want as your partner
While it’s more difficult for men to date online, don’t go for a girl you don’t actually vibe with. It’d be a waste of your and her time.
Ready? Let’s have a look at some great online dating messages that get responses!
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The Perfect First Message: Online Dating Examples
When you’re drafting your first message, remember to base it either on 1) her profile bio or 2) universal questions that pique her curiosity.
Adding in a little bit about yourself is a great way to form a connection as well.
Funny Online Dating Messages
It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men who make them laugh. Humor is a very subjective thing, though. If you lead with a super dark joke, you may make 20% of women laugh, while the rest quickly ghost you.
For that reason, it’s best to stay on the safe side. Semi-funny is better than over-the-top.
Here are some online dating opening messages that are bound to make her chuckle.
Send her a funny meme or a GIF she’ll find relatable. For example, you’re both single and you’re both on a dating app – how about you make fun of it?
This not only makes her laugh but also reminds her of her childhood, which is now connected to yours through the same online phenomenon.
To guarantee a response, follow up with something that tells her more about your personality, such as:
“I’ve decided to fight against fate and show those chain messages that they can’t control me. How about you?”
A little unhinged? Maybe. Interesting enough to pique her interest? Definitely.
Find some common ground and make a joke about it or tell a humorous story. If you both love going to the gym, you can send her a message like this:
“Hi, Kate! I think it’s really cool you’re into fitness. As it goes, I’m looking for a gym buddy. We could go together and it could be the start of a blossoming gymance…
(Or we could just chat on here first like normal people. It’s up to you!)”
A funny quiz goes a long way, even if it’s about something basic:
What does your perfect evening look like?
- A) Netflix and chill because I’m tired after a long day of being a superwoman 💪
- B) A relaxing stroll by the river to decompress and enjoy a quiet time away from civilization
- C) Drinking wine in a fancy restaurant with my amazing OkCupid date (that’s me) (no rush)”
When creating quizzes, remember that girls love food, enjoy receiving semi-funny cute messages, and like it when you lead up with another question.
Interesting Questions to Ask on Dating Sites
If you’re more of a deep thinker, how about connecting with your match by probing their mind?
Carefully read through their profile, find something that interests you, and send her a personalized message:
Which country would you travel to if you could have an unlimited amount of money to spend on the trip? And what would you do?
Personally, I’d love to book a tour in the Himalayas.”
Looks like you’re a fellow bookworm! I’d be curious to see what your favorite quote from a book is?”
“Which song makes you feel most alive?”
I see you love fitness as much as I do! If you could only do one form of exercise for the rest of your life, what would it be?”
I work in a dog shelter, so your profile really stood out to me. Four dogs?! Wow! Speaking of animals… if you were a shape-shifter, what animal would you love to become?
I’d be a bird so that I could fly. It’s always been my favorite superpower.”
Flirty Online Dating Messages
Alright, we’re stepping onto shaky ground now. Hold steady. Navigate carefully. Act at your own peril.
According to one study, 79% of women look for long-term relationships on dating apps. This means they’d much rather receive messages that signal you want a deep connection, not just sex.
If you do want to come off a little flirty, try to ask questions in an assertive manner. For example, you can forgo the “Hi, how are you” and hop onto the question straight away.
Giving her an option between two choices – instead of asking an open-ended question – comes across as more assertive, too.
And if you add something funny, well… you may get a great response!
Here’s an example that blends assertive, funny, and flirty (because you’re about to ask about her preferences in men):
“Damon or Stefan Salvatore?”
This kind of question not only makes her laugh – because, well, you know the names of the main love interests from The Vampire Diaries, which is kind of hilarious – but also makes you come across as an assertive guy who knows what he’s doing.
If you’re going for more general questions, try asking about food, superpowers, or famous movies. Bid them against each other, and see what she says.
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Online Dating Conversation Topics: Stock Messages
The time has come for a little bit of controversy.
While my advice would be to always personalize your messages and really try to connect with the person, men do usually have to message many women just to get a few responses. It’s understandable if you don’t have the time to craft meticulous messages to every single person.
For that purpose, here are the best opening messages for online dating that can be sent to most people:
- Top Five: What are your top five movies? Top five travel destinations? Top five books?
- Last Thing: What’s the last city you’ve been to and did you enjoy it there? When was the last time you laughed, and why?
- If You Could: If you could live forever, what would you do with your life? If you could travel to another planet and never come back, would you do it?
- Who, What: Who inspires you most? What’s your favorite meal of all time?
Final Thoughts on the Best Opening Messages for Online Dating
There are many things to consider when drafting your first message to send to a girl, but one of the most crucial pieces of advice is to remain honest.
Research shows we are most attracted to people who are like us, resulting in higher relationship satisfaction, and so the best way to find a compatible girlfriend is to be authentically yourself from the get-go.
As long as you put the effort in and think creatively, you will eventually get a response.
The next step? Keep the conversation going for a while, and then…ask her out!
(Feel free to send her this meme, it might make her laugh.)
Ready to put yourself out there? Your future girlfriend might be creating her own profile right at this moment.
Good luck out there and happy dating!
» Before You Go: How to Flirt with a Girl Over Text & Still Stay Classy (10 Pro Tips)
Have any online dating tips, we’d love to hear!
Let’s continue the discussion over in the Gentlemen Within Private Facebook Community.
Looking forward to seeing you in there.
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