Dating is a complicated game, especially if you’re a man—women have been found to be the pickier gender until the age of forty, which essentially means men have to try harder to find their perfect partner.
Are you trying to figure out how to be the most attractive man you can be? You’ve come to the right place.
The question of what makes a man attractive has a two-fold answer—the physical and the mental are two completely different areas, and you should ideally master both.
And no, it’s not as easy as it sounds. Women have very particular preferences. For instance, research has found that women love it most when you have heavy stubble. Not a beard. Not a clean-shaven face. No, not even light stubble. It needs to be heavy stubble, or else your chance of success drops!
And don’t even get me started on muscles. What makes a man attractive physically isn’t simply if he has muscles or not – it’s the actual degree of your muscularity.
Overdo it, and you’re out. Underdo it, and… you guessed it. Moderate muscularity has been rated most attractive.
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What can I say? Women are very particular creatures. Despite what many people think, we do know what we want. We’re just so picky about it that we even confuse ourselves sometimes.
Jokes aside, your degree of muscularity or the length of your beard are nowhere near as important as the way you act.
As the saying goes:
“Actions speak louder than words.”
Let me mix it up a bit.
Actions speak louder than beards and muscles.
Here are seven crucial qualities that make guys attractive to women!
1. Quiet Confidence Beats Boasting Any Day
Confidence is desirable. It shows you know what you stand for, you’re clear on your goals, and most of all, you have a positive relationship with yourself.
There are different kinds of confident behavior, though. While one man might boast about all his achievements, talk so loud no one else can get a word in, and display his dominance in an aggressive manner, the other can just sit quietly, say what he truly means, and get the girl anyway.
Why, I hear you ask?
From a scientific point of view, women actually prefer to go for calm, collected guys. This is because the stress hormone cortisol has a negative impact on the immune system and reproductive functions, making stressed-out guys worse potential partners.
In one study, women found low-cortisol men more attractive than high-cortisol ones, no matter how different their levels of testosterone were.
Yet another study has shown that women find confidence and assertiveness attractive, but rarely include dominance as one of their preferences. This essentially means you should be confident in your own skin but avoid asserting dominance every time you walk in the door.
What’s more, quiet confidence gives you three things that aggressive dominance doesn’t:
And trust me, if there’s someone women would fall head over the heels for, it’s a classy mysterious man with good manners.
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2. Kindness Guarantees Safety
Some men perceive kindness as a weakness. They resolve to be cold, uncaring, and live a life free of attachments.
The very same men fall far behind you in the dating game if you choose to do one simple thing—be kind.
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Based on research, women ideally look for at least 4 different traits in the man they choose to be with:
- Good genes indicators (e.g., healthy immune system, physical attractiveness)
- Good resource acquisition indicators (e.g., a good economic standing)
- Good parenting indicators (e.g., you won’t run away and will be a loving father to her children)
- Good partner indicators (e.g., you take care of her, are kind to her, offer her a sense of safety)
The matter of the fact is, women don’t just go for bad boys. Nice guys can and often do get the girl – as long as you’re genuinely kind and aren’t viewing your relationship as a transaction or a way to boost your ego.
What makes a man sexually attractive to a woman isn’t just his strength or intelligence. It’s his kindness, too. It’s all the nurturing ways in which he shows love. It’s his potential to be a loving father who doesn’t stray.
Scientists back this up. Altruism has been proven to be a signal of desirable qualities, and altruists have higher mating success than those who don’t engage in kind, good-hearted activities such as giving to charity.
As Roy T. Bennett, author of The Light in the Heart, said:
“Treat everyone with politeness and kindness, not because they are nice, but because you are.”
When kindness becomes a constant in your daily life, when you treat everyone around you with respect, when you nurture a sense of altruism in your heart, you will prove yourself to be her safe place.
Her shelter in a storm. Someone she can fully open herself up to.
And that, my friend, is sexy.
Books About Relationships & Dating You Might Like:
- Dating Sucks, but You Don’t: The Modern Guy’s Guide to Total Confidence, Romantic Connection, and Finding the Perfect Partner
- Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
- No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan to Get What You in Love, Sex and Life
- Atomic Attraction: The Psychology of Attraction
- The Dating Playbook For Men: A Proven 7 Step System to Go from Single to the Woman of Your Dreams
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3. Vulnerability Leads to Connection
75% of men associate masculinity and manliness with strength, and 58% of men believe that society expects them to never show weakness. These staggering numbers only showcase some of the reasons why three out of four suicides in developed nations are by men.
What many men don’t realize is that women love connecting through vulnerability. We love discussing all the ins and outs of our interests, exploring all the nooks and crannies of your fascinating mind, and sharing how we feel.
Don’t get me wrong, mystery is incredibly sexy – but there comes a point down the line when your partner wants to get to know you for who you truly are, see all your battle scars and be the one who kisses them better.
What’s more, vulnerability helps develop trust, and being a trustworthy person makes you a super attractive guy. If she feels like she knows you, she eventually opens up, too, which in turn leads to a deeper sense of love and connection.
And knowing each other intimately is one of the sexiest things in the world.
Couples counselor Kari Rusnak, MA, LPC, CMHC, shares a few tips on how to be more vulnerable with your partner:
- Share a memory from your past when you felt hurt
- Initiate physical touch like holding hands or a hug
- Share details about one of your future goals
- Talk about your days together
Remember – it’s hard to be vulnerable. This makes vulnerability a strength, not a weakness.
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4. Laughter Is the Best Remedy
Laughter makes us healthy.
Really, it’s true! Science has discovered that laughter decreases the levels of cortisol (the stress hormone), alters dopamine and serotonin activity (the feel-good hormones), and boosts your immune system.
No wonder we all look for a partner who makes us laugh!
Affiliative humor (the positive kind that brings you together as opposed to aggressive humor, for instance) has been associated with increased relationship satisfaction, and laughter plays an important role in signaling attraction between people who have just met.
So, make her laugh. Or even better – find someone who shares the same sense of humor. That way, you can both be yourself and laugh so much that your health will practically fly through the roof.
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5. Integrity Shows Inner Strength
Strength doesn’t only lie in how many push-ups you can do – it’s deeply rooted in your character.
True strength is the courage to be yourself, to persevere and be resilient despite obstacles, to face vulnerability with grace, and to live according to your moral principles no matter how hard things get.
A sense of integrity basically means you’ve integrated various parts of who you are into a cohesive and harmonious whole. Your character is based on certain moral principles you would never stray from.
Here’s a very basic example: If you decide to never support the palm oil industry due to its environmental impacts, you wouldn’t buy yourself a jar of Nutella no matter how much of a sweet tooth you have.
Integrity guides you out of places where desires seduce those without it. This is attractive for multiple reasons:
- You’re an honest and dignified man, which attracts admiration and love
- You would never betray the woman you love, which makes her feel safe and cared for
- You have a cohesive and honorable character, which shows inner strength
The ancient Greek philosopher Plato said it best:
“There is nothing so delightful as the hearing or the speaking of truth. For this reason, there is no conversation so agreeable as that of the man of integrity, who hears without any intention to betray, and speaks without any intention to deceive.”
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6. Humility and Self-Awareness Are Everything
It may be weird to hear that humility is what makes a guy attractive. Isn’t humility, like, weak?
Wrong. At its core, humility is described as freedom from pride and arrogance. It’s the willingness to admit you’ve made a mistake with honor and respect. It’s the knowledge that you can’t know everything, and that is okay.
Humility is the polar opposite of mansplaining. Which is why women love it so much.
As a term that’s been around since the early 2000s, mansplaining still very much exists in our society. In her Cultural History of Mansplaining, Lily Rothman describes it as “explaining without regard to the fact that the explainee knows more than the explainer, often done by a man to a woman.”
Mansplaining drives women nuts. And not in a good way. It makes them feel humiliated, put down, and extremely annoyed.
Humble men who are aware of their drawbacks, however… oh, how much we love them!
A man who knows his strengths and weaknesses, a man who readily admits to his gaps of knowledge and learns from you, a man who appreciates you for your intelligence and is confident in his own abilities… that is a highly attractive guy right there.
This kind of behavior sets up an equal dynamic within the relationship and makes your partner feel supported, appreciated, and understood.
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7. Building a Growth Mindset Is the Way to Go
Confucius, an ancient Chinese philosopher, once stated:
“The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.”
An attractive man knows that in order to progress and grow, he has to integrate good habits, hard work and optimism into his everyday life.
Enter: The growth mindset.
If you believe your skills can be improved through hard work, input from others, and learning, congratulations! You are in the possession of a growth mindset instead of a fixed one (which revolves around the belief that talents are innate and cannot be changed).
According to science, your brain constantly evolves. The connections between neural networks can grow stronger or weaker based on how you think, which then shapes your life more than you might realize.
The more optimism and effort you put in, the more likely you’re to achieve success.
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A growth mindset is crucial for two reasons:
- If you believe you can become more attractive, your chances of succeeding skyrocket.
- If you constantly work on yourself and your relationship, your partner will see you as a hard-working man who always puts the effort in as opposed to doing the bare minimum.
Thinking this way is all about believing you can get better every hour of every day. It’s never too late. Limits don’t exist. You can reach your goal.
Determination and the choice to never give up on your dreams are extremely attractive qualities. They’re what makes a man sexually appealing to a woman.
Plus, optimism actually makes you more attractive. The orbitofrontal cortex, the part of our brain that lights up when we look at an attractive face, activates when we see another person smile.
The more you smile and happily work toward your goals, the more attractive you’ll be.
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While the topic of what makes a man physically attractive to a woman deserves its own entire article, attraction isn’t purely based on appearance. Your charisma, confidence, gait, and personal values matter a great deal, too.
No woman wants an immature man, no matter how handsome he is – not in the long term, anyway.
To be your most attractive self, remember to:
- Be confident in a calm, collected way
- Be genuinely kind
- Embrace vulnerability as your strength
- Make her laugh
- Show integrity
- Be humble and self-aware
- Build an optimistic growth mindset
With these tips in mind, get dating! The world of romance is much easier when you know what kind of a man women truly want.
Before you go, you might like these articles:
- How to GET OUT of the Friend Zone with a Girl (Try These Tips!)
- Best Online Dating First Messages (That She Will Love Getting)
- Signs You’re in the FRIEND ZONE with a Girl (Don’t Panic..Yet)
- How to Get a Girlfriend & Win Her Heart (Our Best Tips)
Which of these 7 qualities are you looking to build upon?
Let’s continue the discussion over in the Gentlemen Within Private Facebook Community.
Looking forward to seeing you in there.