How to Know if a Woman is Playing You for a Fool (16 Telltale Signs)12 min read

We call them femme fatales, manic pixies…devil women.

They tease us, make us fall in love with them, then just when we think things are moving in the right direction, we’re ghosted like Patrick Swayze.

And while some of them are simply confused, there are those whose goal in life is to use us and ruin us.

We say, enough is enough. It’s time to be more vigilant, my fellow gents!

16 Signs that She’s Playing You

In this article, we will share with you 16 telltale signs that a girl is definitely leading you on.

1. There’s just something off about her—in general

It’s hard to figure out why, but she simply doesn’t feel genuine.

It’s like she’s putting on a persona that doesn’t match who she is on the inside and so from time to time, you can’t help but think, “is she playing me?”

Perhaps there’s something about the way she puts her words together when she speaks, or perhaps her actions don’t quite align with who she presents herself to be.

There’s a possibility that this is your gut instinct kicking in.

Trust us, we’re more perceptive than we realize. You likely feel this way because you’ve subconsciously noticed that something is wrong.

It would help for you to sit down and try to unravel why you feel this way about her.
Your subconscious has noticed something. Don’t dismiss it.

2. She never offers to split the tab

She expects you to pay for your dates. Every. Single. Time!

And you know that it’s not like she can’t pay for it. In fact, she might even be more than capable of paying for everything.

But nonetheless she’s all take, take, take. And on rare occasions where she does give, she gives back way too little.

This goes beyond just money. She might expect you to be there for her to give her comfort when you’re in need of help, but when you’re the one who needs reassurance, she isn’t willing to give you her time at all.

It’s almost a certainty that she doesn’t care about you if she doesn’t do anything to give back. She’s probably with you because you keep giving her stuff.

Pretend you left your wallet the next time you go on a date to see her reaction.

» Related: You might like this article on inspiring love quotes.

3. She came on to you too strongly

You had a whirlwind romance. She came into your life with such intensity that you found yourself swept off your feet.

She barely gave you any time to breathe or think.

That is to say, she love bombed you.

Perhaps it felt like a dream come true at first—and maybe it still does!—but now you can’t help but feel a bit uneasy about it all.

Most people who love bomb do it not because they genuinely like you, but because they have a need.

Perhaps they’re craving for attention and approval. Or romance. And while these are not red flags per se, it’s possible that things will abruptly change once the New Relationship Energy has faded.

Some love bombers also have an ulterior motive, say, they want to ask you a favor.

Pay very close attention and ask yourself “What does this girl really want from me?”

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• Dating Sucks, but You Don’t: The Modern Guy’s Guide to Total Confidence, Romantic Connection, and Finding the Perfect Partner
• Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
• No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan to Get What You in Love, Sex and Life
• Atomic Attraction: The Psychology of Attraction
• The Dating Playbook For Men: A Proven 7 Step System to Go from Single to the Woman of Your Dreams
• The Man’s Guide to Women: Scientifically Proven Secrets from the “Love Lab” About What Women Really Want

4. She showers you with praise

Overpraising is like patting a dog on the head and saying “Good boy” for doing a trick.

It might seem like a good thing at first glance. But it can sometimes be used for emotional manipulation, especially if she knows that you’re madly into her.

You take her out to dinner or give her a gift, and she goes overboard trying to show you about how much she appreciates you.

She’d probably say something like “You’re the best. I have not met a guy like you before!”

If you often find yourself overwhelmed and thinking “No way, this girl is clearly talking BS. I’m not THAT great!!”?

Well then, trust your instinct.

People aren’t always going to react to gifts at your level of enthusiasm, but when her reactions are consistently out of proportion to what you did for her…be careful.

It might be that she’s trying to keep you at her side so that she can keep on mooching from you.

» You might like this guide on Italian Love Phrases (that will melt her heart)

5. She’s given you promises she wasn’t able to keep

And it’s not like it just happened one or twice, or that she was clearly apologetic and tried her best to make up for it.

She failed to honor her promises several times already, and she would act like it wasn’t a big deal in the first place.

And when you get upset about it, she’ll throw a fuss about you being too anal and accusatory.

Now, life gets in the way sometimes and unfortunately we’ll all end up breaking a few promises even when we don’t want to.

Some promises are minor enough that they aren’t worth fussing over. The problem is when it happens to big promises or it happens so regularly that you simply can’t bring yourself to trust her anymore as she’s clearly not following through.

6. She uses big words…but she’s all talk

So if you want to know how to tell if she’s playing you, pay close attention to this.

She talks big and dreams big—she even playfully tells you she’ll marry you someday—but when you look at what she’s actually doing… it just doesn’t match.

For example, she would say you’re the most important person in her life… but then ignore you when you need her the most.

It might feel good to hear those sweet words from her, but that only means your heart will get crushed even harder when she doesn’t actually show it.

Try to talk to her about why she’s doing this, and try to point it out if she hasn’t actually noticed it in her.

Do offer understanding, but be ready to back out if it’s clear she’s just leading you on.

» Related: The complete guide on how and when to end a conversation.

Quick note: If you’re enjoying this guide on the telltale signs a woman is leading you on, then you’ll probably find my other writing on all things style, self-development and dating useful. Each week, I share updates, style tips and other things not shared on the blog through my free email newsletter.

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7. She’s the narcissistic type

She NEEDS attention. Lots of it.

She craves praise and grand gestures. She wants to feel like men would do anything for her because she wants to feel like she’s the best.

And when the two of you are in a private discussion together, conversation will revolve around how she feels, what she thinks, and what she needs.

Narcissists are all about having an “adoring” partner who gives them the attention they need to survive. And when it comes to people like these, it’s almost certain that the relationship is not balanced.

The moment you stop giving them what they need, they’ll accuse you for being unloving and then move on to someone new.

One thing you can pay attention to in order to know if a girl is playing you or really likes you is to figure out how narcissistic she is. Narcissists rarely, if ever, manage to love anyone but themselves.

» You might like this article on Making the Most of Being Single.

8. She has a reputation of being a player

You’ve heard people call her a player in the past and shrugged it off. After all, it could just be rumors from people wanting to ruin her life.

And there’s nothing wrong about that. A true gentleman would give people a chance to show their true selves rather than rely on hearsay.

But that doesn’t mean you should disregard those rumors entirely.

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire—even if the thing that’s on fire is something other than what you originally expected.

Try to see if you can find the truth behind those rumors yourself, and pay attention if you see her acting suspicious.

» You might like this guide on Things Women Find Attractive in Men.

9. She’s flirty over text, but is aloof in person

Communicating over texts and calls can make it easy for people to hide who they truly are.

It’s oh so easy to fake enthusiasm and affection when you’re communicating with one another through words, and have the time and space to think your reactions through.

It isn’t so easy to say exactly how to tell if a girl is playing you over text because of this.

The best judge of character is when you meet in person where you can see her reactions realtime.

If her online persona is “hot”, yet she’s cold in person, she’s probably just shy if it’s your first time meeting in real life. But if it’s been a while and you realize it’s truly who she is—flirty over text but aloof IRL—then she’s leading you on.

She’s probably texting a lot of men, too!

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10. She’s too good to be true

She’s simply way too perfect…and on top of that, she’s your perfect match!

She’s somehow into the exact same things as you, and if you ever wrote down a list describing your perfect girl, she fits all of them to a T.

And you would be right to feel suspicious. If something is too good to be true, it probably is, after all.

This often adds to that feeling of “wrongness” I talked about at the beginning of this article.

She might be paying close attention to you and pretending to conform to your tastes so she’ll win your heart. And once she wins your heart, she’ll dangle a carrot on a stick until she gets what she wants.

But of course, you still need to check yourself. There’s also a decent chance that it’s just your insecurities talking.

» Related: For more overt signals, check out this guide on signs that she likes you.

11. She’s shuts down when you’re about to get serious

She has no issues carrying a conversation when you’re talking about dates, hobbies, food, and other lighthearted issues.

But the moment you try to talk to her about more serious stuff, like becoming official or how she sees her future…she shuts down.

She might excuse herself, or engage a little and then try to change the topic.

And hey, you know you’re not rushing your relationship because you’ve known each other for long enough!

She does this because she wants you around for one reason or another, but she’s just unwilling to commit.

That is to say, she’s just leading you on.

12. She’s not really invested in your life

You have been together for a couple of months now, and she’s perfectly happy talking about her friends and family, her hobbies, or how her day went.

But she zones out the moment you try talking about your life—even your problems!

This is a red flag.

If she’s truly interested in you, she will be very curious about you. She’d want to know every detail about you because she wants you to be part of her life.

And when you mention any problem, she’d drop everything to listen to you and even help you out.

If a girl isn’t too affected by what’s happening in your life, she’s probably not that into you…and is just leading you on.

» Related: Here’s a guide you might like on how to approach girls.

13. She goes hot and cold

She’s consistently inconsistent.

She would lavish you with love and attention for a while, and then suddenly go cold and push you away the next. It happens over and over, like a cycle.

And you know that it’s not because she’s just hormonal (and that deep inside she really likes you). Her inconsistency makes you confused about what she truly feels about you!

Going hot and cold is a well known mind-game, and its purpose is to make the target (you, in this case) feel confused and worried.

The confusion is the point. She leaves you wondering, hurting, and loved all at once. If you don’t know what she’s doing, you can easily waste years chasing after her.

She’s probably the “manic pixie dream girl” type who just wants to leave a mark (read: a scar!) on the men who fall for her.

But it’s possible also that she’s hot and cold because she’s genuinely confused about her feelings for you. Still, this girl is no better if you really want a serious relationship.

14. She calls the shots all the time

Now, there’s nothing wrong with women calling the shots. In fact, a proper gentleman would happily let his lady shine and lead.

But that doesn’t mean that you should just let her take advantage of you. A relationship should be as equitable as possible.

What you want to pay attention to is when it feels like the relationship exists to serve her. When the two of you want to do two different things, it’s almost a given that she would get her way.

And it goes beyond that. There’s a power imbalance. When you do something to make her mad, it’s like you have to go above and beyond to win back her approval.

But when you’re the one who’s mad, she doesn’t do anything except wait for you to reach out to her again. She makes no attempt to calm you down or even say sorry.

You have the feeling that she can totally survive without you…and it’s probably true.

» Readers’ Favorite: Check out this list of a few dozen Fun & Romantic Date Ideas.

15. She keeps you a secret

She says that she loves you, but she goes through great lengths to keep you hidden. She doesn’t show you off to her friends and family, or even let you know any of them.

And when you meet up, she does her best to make sure nobody sees her with you. You might even spend more time together in hotel rooms instead of restaurants or bars.

There are several reasons why she might be doing this.

The worst conclusions would be that she’s already taken, and that she’s simply cheating on her partner with you.

Another possibility is that she doesn’t want other men to think she’s already off the market because she’s waiting for the “right one” while she’s with you.

16. She cries or gets angry when you confront her about it

You tell her you feel like your “relationship” is going nowhere.

And it’s not like you’re accusing her of anything. Not at all! In fact, you try to speak as calmly as you can and make sure she doesn’t feel threatened.

But there’s no way you can talk about any kind of serious topic with her, because the moment she realizes that you’re trying to talk to her about the things she’s doing… she gets too emotional.

She’ll do or say anything that might make you feel bad enough about yourself that you’ll simply drop the topic.

This is because she knows that you won’t want to see her cry, and that you’ll probably avoid questioning her in the future if she did this.

» Related: You might like this guide on How to Text Flirt with a Girl.

Wrapping Up

A girl who’s leading you on will try to make use of tactics like love bombing, gaslighting, and going hot and cold to keep you hooked.

So should you notice any of these from her, be wary. These are signs she’s leading you on.

Don’t feel bad if you’ve realized that she’s been most likely leading you on. It’s better to cut your losses now than spend another second being manipulated and toyed with.

But before you leave, try to give her at least one last chance to make things work. Good communication just might be the thing that can turn things around.

But if you notice that things are still not progressing as they should even after you have a serious talk, it’s time to move on.

You, my friend, deserve better.

Have you been led on before, what was the experience like?

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