Hey my fellow gents! I want to play a game with you…
Let’s play “What Do You Do?”
Here’s the scenario, you’re at a bar/venue/event/etc., and you see a beautiful woman smiling at you from across the room/bar/whatever.
What do you do?
Did you freeze?
Overthink?
Totally blow it?
Okay, okay, let me give you an easier scenario. You are at an event/bar/whatever and you want to meet girls.
What do you do?
I’ll wait…Having a tough time with this one too?
Yeah, I understand, and I’ve gone through the same thing. Sometimes, I still have issues if we are being honest. Fear not though gentlemen, for I am going to share some solid tips for meeting and approaching women when you are out and about.
There are two main ways you can approach women: directly and indirectly. Equally effective, both options offer easy and actionable techniques to implement into your communication and potential connection with a girl.
Let’s get started with the indirect approach.
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How To Meet Women: The Indirect Approach
Indirect is my personal favorite style for meeting women, approaching women, and just meeting new people in general. This style is based on creating a “party bubble” around you that brings women to you. Here’s how we can accomplish this.
1. Post Up At High Traffic Points
- Bar – The high traffic points would be the elbows (corners) of the bar. This is where everyone will be coming and going to get their drinks
- Party/Event – If there is an open bar, make that your station, if not, post up near the refreshment/food table. Everyone will be coming for a drink or bite to eat. This is the perfect spot to initiate friendly conversation.
- Concert or club (where there is dancing) – The area between the dance floor and the seating area. This is where girls will be walking to the dance floor or coming from the dance floor.
» Readers’ Favorite: You might like this in-depth guide on How to Attract Women.
2. Send A Positive Vibe
- Make sure to be in a positive mood, give off positive vibes and show that you are having fun. Women will notice this and will naturally gravitate towards you.
- Do not be that scowling guy in the corner or spending the entire time with your head down in your phone. Would you want to be around that person? Thought so.
- Don’t be shy, and get out on the dance floor, drink in hand. More often than not, women will be receptive to you if you’re smiling and have a positive demeanor, which brings us to the next point.
» If you find yourself asking this question: “Is she leading me on?” Then you’ll want to read this article.
3. Cheers Everyone As They Walk By
- Everyone always smiles and returns the gesture
- The guy who reaches out positively is seen as being fun, open, inviting and social
- This is an easy way to connect with women and a low risk if you fear rejection
- You will gain confidence with each friendly interaction
4. Have A Smile On Your Face, ALWAYS
- No one wants to interact with someone who looks like they are grumpy
- The magnetism of a smile will naturally attract women and make initiating conversation easier
- Studies show that when you smile, you release endorphins that ultimately make you feel better
» Readers’ Favorite: Check out this guide on Fun and Romantic Date Ideas.
5. Look Like You Belong
- Be confident in your own skin, comfortable where you are, and take everything in while having a good time. Have you ever seen that guy that just seems like he knows exactly what he’s doing and that he belongs there? Be that guy.
- Stand tall, shoulders back, arms by sides, head nodding to the music, smile on your face and enjoying your drink.
- Here’s an actionable pro-tip: before you enter any room, imagine there is a string attached to the top of your head. Adjust your posture, keep your head up, take a deep breath and walk confidently to wherever it is that you’re headed.
These are five solid, actionable tips for an indirect way to meet girls. I guarantee that if you use some of these tips, women will approach you and make it easier for you to engage in conversation with them.
If you’d rather approach women online, eHarmony is one of the longest standing and more promising dating apps worth checking out.
Now that we’ve covered the indirect approach, let’s move on to the direct approach and how to talk to girls.
» You might like this guide on how to end a text conversation (with examples).
6. Be Confident
- I’m preaching to the choir with this one, but it really is that important. After all, confidence is attractive, so try to approach her with self-assurance. Stand tall, maintain eye contact, and speak clearly
- Furthermore, you’ll want to cultivate a positive self-image by focusing on your strengths and qualities. Recognize your own worth and embrace your unique attributes. When you have a healthy self-image, it boosts your confidence and allows you to approach others with a positive mindset.
- Remember, a little practice and preparation goes a long way. If you feel anxious about approaching someone, practice and preparation can help build your confidence. Rehearse what you want to say or even simulate the situation with a friend. The more familiar you are with the scenario, the more at ease you’ll feel when the time comes.
- And finally, you’ll want to embrace vulnerability. Understand that it’s normal to feel nervous or vulnerable when approaching someone you’re attracted to. Embrace these feelings and view them as an opportunity for growth. Remember that everyone experiences vulnerability in these situations, and it’s a natural part of connecting with others.
Remember, confidence isn’t about being perfect or never feeling nervous. It’s about embracing your authentic self, having a positive mindset, and being comfortable with vulnerability. Practice self-compassion and give yourself credit for taking the initiative to approach someone, regardless of the outcome.
Quick note: If you’re enjoying this guide on how to approach women, then you’ll probably find my other writing on all things men’s style useful. Each week, I share style tips, inspiration, deals and other things not shared on the blog through my free email newsletter.
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You might like these books on dating:
- Dating Sucks, but You Don’t: The Modern Guy’s Guide to Total Confidence, Romantic Connection, and Finding the Perfect Partner
- Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
- No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan to Get What You in Love, Sex and Life
- Atomic Attraction: The Psychology of Attraction
- The Dating Playbook For Men: A Proven 7 Step System to Go from Single to the Woman of Your Dreams
How To Meet Women: The Direct Approach
The direct approach is what most guys think of when they decide they want to meet girls while out. This approach is when you randomly walk up to a girl you’ve never met before and start a conversation with her.
This approach requires self-confidence and zero fear of rejection. Let’s be real though, rejection is part of this game, so……get used to it. Let’s dive into actionable tips to make approaching girls directly a lot easier!
» You Might Like: The Qualities Women Find Attractive in Men.
7. Approaching Women (The 5-Second Rule)
- This is the rule I use often. It’s simple – you see a girl you like, count to 5 and go approach her. If you wait longer than 5 seconds, you will overthink and I guarantee it will become a crash and burn situation.
- A lot can happen in just 5 seconds. The great thing is that the more you practice this, the more it will become second nature. In time, you will be approaching girls left and right. With this single act of courage, you might even meet your future girlfriend or wife.
- Check out this video with added tips on how to approach women using the 5 second rule.
» Related: You’re sure to enjoy this article on How to Flirt with a Girl Over Text.
8. How To Talk To A Girl (Never Overthink)
- Just go for it. Girls want you to come talk to them. Don’t worry about what you are going to say or how you will look. Just be yourself and be confident.
- Always keep it simple when you approach a girl. Instead of complimenting her on how beautiful she looks (you know she gets this all the time), point out a peculiar endearing quirk that you noticed about her. This might be too much for an opener, but is something you can lay out after building some rapport. Better to be different than dishing out lame one liners, right?
- Another talking point is to compliment her personal style rather than her physical appearance. If she’s rocking a dope leather jacket or statement accessories, tell her how cool you think they are. This will more than likely elicit a friendly response and an easy ice breaker.
» You might like this guide on Signs that a Girl Likes You.
9. If She Makes Eye Contact Or Smiles At You
- Go talk to her now!!!! This is a clear sign she’s okay with you coming to say “Hey”, so utilize this opportunity to make your move.
- This one goes hand in hand with the 5 second rule. If you wait longer than 5 seconds, chances are that you will not take action and it will be even harder to approach and talk to a girl the next time. It is true, that he who hesitates is lost.
- “But, what if she’s not smiling at me?” The key is to set yourself up for future success. When a girl smiles in your direction, that gives you an in with her, regardless if she was smiling at you or not. It would be rude of her not to be receptive. And she will more likely respect your confidence to make the approach. Remember, the more you take action, the easier approaching women will become.
» Related: Check out this guide on the Best Cheap Date Ideas.
10. Stay Positive
- Have a blast with walking up to a girl and talking to her. You must realize, not many guys have what it takes to even do this, so already you’re way ahead of the curve.
- Confidence is key. If you feel like you’re not confident well…FAKE IT!! Fake it till you make it. If you believe you are confident, then eventually you will become confident.
- Girls can pick up on your confidence and positivity. So, make sure you have at least both. You can have the corniest conversation, make embarrassing mistakes, and yet if you’re confident, positive and fun, I can guarantee she will overlook that and continue to converse with you.
11. Tell Yourself, “I Hope I Like This Girl” As You Approach Her
Go in with the mindset that you’re hoping you like her and not hoping she likes you.
- This flips the script. This is the positive self-talk you should have running through your mind when talking to any woman. You know you’re pretty awesome, you just want to find out if she’s just as awesome. If she doesn’t like you…that’s okay! You know you’re awesome already and never needed that validation from a woman. It’s her loss if she doesn’t realize it.
- Ultimately, it’s all about confidence and knowing the value that you bring to the table.
- A good book for this mentality is Models by Mark Manson.
Wrapping Up
Alright gents, so I just gave 11 proven tips for meeting women and now that you’re equipped with a variety of tips for both styles (direct and indirect) of approaching women, I want you to remember the following.
For whatever technique you decide to use, be confident, be yourself, stand tall, SMILE (I can’t emphasize this enough), and have open/positive body language.
» You Might Like: 53 Romantic Italian Sayings (Phrases About Love to Melt Her Heart)
When you are successful using any of these techniques and you find yourself engaging with a woman you like, get her number then move on back to your group.
You want to move on so you don’t overplay your hand, it lessens the chance of making a mistake and it makes both her and you excited to plan the date and see each other.
I will delve into conversations, body language and confidence building in the next article. For now, give this advice a try and work through it! I look forward to hearing how you guys make out with these!
Cheers!
Mike
About Mike
Mike Forrest is founder of The Sophisticated Gentleman and a lover of self-improvement and the gentleman lifestyle. His quest for being a better man has led him to learn the art of socializing and dating. He loves to share his knowledge on these matters and all matters gentleman related.
Which of these tips are you going to implement?
Let’s continue the discussion over in the Gentlemen Within Private Facebook Community.
Looking forward to seeing you in there.
Firstly, as an extreme introvert, I never go to bars, parties, concerts, or anywhere else that is loud because just hearing the noise literally exhausts me. Also, as someone confined to a wheelchair, these venues are unsafe for people like me. Some of us never get checked out by women, so we are never given a ‘green light’ to approach anyone. I don’t approach women because of this and also, since other guys have to try to get a woman, there is simply no point in trying at all – other guys are by default more attractive than me.
Geoff,
Have you tried online dating?
Khoi
Yes, I have tried online dating. I’m always honest about being in a wheelchair in my profile. I’ve messaged over 400 women (with messages that my women friends have said are great and should definitely set me apart from 95% of other guys) and have yet to receive even *one* response. My friends are at a loss as to why this is – I’m not going for 10s (more 5/6/7, which is what I see myself as – my friends say I’m very attractive physically (8/9) – but I knock off 3-4 points due to the wheelchair). I work out 3-4 x per week, so I’m in good shape. I message women whose profiles genuine pique my interest – not just looks. Given the lack of interest, it’s clear that online dating isn’t for me. Any other ideas?
First, online dating can be tough for everyone. The endless choice that men and women have these days makes it even harder. No one really puts all that much effort in, it’s like a competition to see who can care the least. It’s definitely a different kind of game. If people are judging you for being in a wheelchair, that’s on them. What about your friends. Maybe ask them if they know anyone who is looking? Online FB groups, meet-up events with people who are into similar interest. The internet has made it easier than ever to connect with people from all over the world. Hope that helps. -K
Very extremely dangerous meeting a good woman today for many of us single men that are very serious looking for a relationship today, now that most women are so much nastier now more than ever. Just saying good morning or hello to a woman is not easy at all for many of us single good men unfortunately, and there will be times when these very pathetic women will even Curse at us men for no reason at all which doesn’t even make any sense why many of these women are really like this today. So it really isn’t easy at all for many of us, and back in the old days most women were very different and real ladies which made dating and meeting a good woman very fun at that time. What in the world happened to the women today?
Roger, while I agree, there are rude women and people everywhere, that doesn’t mean that all women are hostile and unapproachable. As men of courage and conviction, it would benefit us to be open to the possibilities of meeting genuinely good and kind women in our daily lives. Sometimes it is all in a state of mind. Think in terms of abundance and more opportunities will open up to you. While old-school, traditional values aren’t upheld as they used to, I truly believe there are diamond’s in the rough—that once found, should be embraced. Good luck! -Khoi
Women today are very difficult to meet for many of us single guys unfortunately, when in the past it was very simple.
I can agree, it’s gotten much more complicated these days with this digitally obsessed society we now live in. But the opportunity to find and meet women is there, just have to put on a brave face and have confidence. Cheers, -Khoi
Very difficult for many of us single guys to approach a woman that we would really like to meet these days since they really are usually very nasty to us to begin with, and we have to be very careful of sexual harassment as well. Women in the old days were the very complete opposite of today, and real ladies as well. That is why meeting women back then wasn’t really hard at all, and most women were really nice in those days along with much better manners and a very good personality too. Not today unfortunately. Feminism is everywhere now.
The Me Too movement really changed things. I guess it all depends on personal experience. -K
Literally every article I’ve read on dating / approaching / etc., assumes – implicitly or explicitly – that every guy gets signals from at least one woman and he just has to learn how to read them to realize this. Why can’t people just be honest and admit that some guys are fundamentally unattractive and as such do not get signals from any woman. For guys like this, approaching any woman at at any time in any way is creepy. This is not to blame women at all – attraction is not a choice and some guys simply cannot attract any woman no matter what they do.
While this may be true, a little bit of confidence can go a long way. Sure, we may not be blessed with the genetics of Brad Pitt, but there’s always more than meets the eye. It’s just a matter of standing out in a good way, whether that’s through your charming personality or unique sense of humor. The little things matter too. -K
But to put any of your great tips into practice, a guy has to actually be able to visualise the possibility of success with a woman in the first place. I’m 37, have never asked a woman out and have never been kissed. I have tried for decades to accept that a woman somewhere might find me attractive enough to date – but no matter what I do or what anyone says, I can’t do it. This is why I’m chronically single.
It’s all in the state of mind.
But to show personality and humour, a guy has to actually talk to the woman he’s interested in. The fact is, unless a guy is attractive and women give obvious signals they want him to approach, doing so is potentially more trouble than it’s ever worth. As such some guys never have an opportunity to show the “little things”. I have heard enough horror stories from good guys who approached women just to talk to them to never do it myself. If a woman is interested in me, she can approach me – I will not put myself in a position where there is a reasonable likelihood I’ll be accused of a crime.
Surely depends on where you’re approaching these women. We recommend public places. I couldn’t imagine being accused of a crime by approaching a woman with a friendly greeting at a bar, grocery store, gym or laundromat. A dark alley, well that’s a different situation.
Most women nowadays aren’t easy to approach at all, and usually they’re very rude and very nasty with many of us single men most of the time unfortunately. And many of us men just want to meet a good woman to share our life with, and to be accepted as well which most women just can’ accept many of us men for who we really are. And many of us aren’t unattractive at all, and keep in very good shape as well. It is most women today that are very picky, very selfish, spoiled, greedy, money hungry and will only want men with money to begin with. And it is very sad that most women are real gold diggers nowadays as it is since they will go with men much older than they really are just for the money that they have. Too bad women weren’t like the past when dating back then was so much fun, and meeting a good woman to be with was a lot easier as well. Very obvious why our family members really lucked out back then when they met. Sure they really did, most women back then were the very complete opposite of today.
Appreciate you sharing your thoughts. -K
The way women are acting these days with many of us single men, which they rather have another woman approach them instead. Go figure.
That’s pretty funny! -K
I can’t imagine approaching a woman I don’t know anywhere – unless it’s for a professional reason (a cashier in a store to buy something). The thought actually makes me feel very uncomfortable, and no woman ever gives me signs she’s interested in / open to me talking to her. In this situation (which is always the case for me), is it better to just forget about ever attracting a woman and accept I never will?
Life is short. It’s worth a shot to say hello and initiate conversation. What’s the worst that can happen, you get rejected. So what, big deal? Keep up the good fight. -K
I treat women as people and have no problem talking to them. As such, I have many women friends. In my case, I see other guys and know that I can’t compete with them in being sexually attractive to women is concerned. Whatever other guys have that makes women want them sexually I do not have, so I see zero point in trying. My women friends tell me this is just my lack of confidence and that lots of women are interested in me – I just need to actually express interest in the ladies I like. I’m fundamentally unable to do that and see no evidence to support the idea could be attracted to me.
The moment you give up is the moment you’ve lost. I think your women friends are onto something. Confidence can go a long way. –K
But to have a positive state of mind, a guy needs a modicum of evidence that women find – or could find – him attractive. In the total absence of evidence, to think one has a chance is self delusional.
Unless, unless of course you approach it with a IDGAF mentality. It’s a numbers game. Sure, you’ll face a lot of rejection, but what’s the alternative? The more we get used to that feeling, the less it’ll be able to affect us. Shoot your shots. -K
For me to “believe” I have any chance at all with any woman would be pure self delusion.
That’s fine. Just remember that whatever you believe is what you’ll continue to get. –K
The worst that can happen is I get charged with a crime. Even if I’m found not guilty, the damage is done the moment the charge is laid because society assumes I am guilty no matter what actually happened or how outrageous the accusation is. I’m not about to risk it. I doubt guys who have what it takes to attract women can understand this.
Fair enough, Doug.
OK – but as I said, I’m fundamentally unable to express interest in women I like. I just can’t do it. As well, there is no evidence- that I can see – to support the idea that any woman could be / is attracted to me, so why set myself up for trouble?
Fair enough, ultimately it’s up to you. There’s no amount of words or reinforcement that will make the shift. It start from within. –K
I do not approach women no matter how attracted I am because I am not willing to be accused of harassment. I do not show interest in women for the same reason. Since no woman shows interest in me either, I am doomed to remain alone.
You’re not helping yourself any with that mentality. Have you actually ever tried approaching a woman? Why do you believe that you would be accused of harassment, is it because the media told you?
Confidence must be based on grounded evidence – in this case, proof that I can be successful with women. No such evidence exists – and telling me to “fake it until I make it” is the same thing as telling me to be purposefully self-delusional. All the evidence tells me that I cannot be sexually attractive to women.
Sorry to hear that.
Approaching women with an IDGAF mentality in the age of #metoo is dangerous. Rejection is always guaranteed for me anyway, and since I don’t want trouble, unless I get credibly clear signs that a woman is interested in me (and I never do), I don’t do anything no matter how attractive a woman is.
No risk, no reward.
Thanks for your suggestions. My friends have tried to help me find women who may be looking, and I’ve met some of them and now have more friends. I’m in several online (FB, etc) groups as well but we live in a very shallow society and the fact I’m in a wheelchair means people in general look at me and see a cripple. Women enjoy my company but just don’t see me as a sexual person. This is reality.
True, we are living in a pretty shallow society, but I’d like to believe that there are some diamonds in the rough. -K
Most women nowadays as it is aren’t playing with a full deck to begin with, especially the ones that are just plain very nasty when many of us single guys will try to start a conversation with them. Just so many very mentally disturbed women all over the place today that really don’t have any manners and personality at all when it comes to many of us guys very seriously looking for a relationship now unfortunately. Very dangerous to approach a woman today, do to the lack of intelligence that they have nowadays.
Such is life, there are good ones, bad ones. Sounds like you’ve only encountered the bad. Stay up! -K
Since it’s a foregone conclusion that no woman could ever be attracted to me, I’ve never approached even one woman – ever when I’m very attracted to them. There is no point.
Sounds like limiting beliefs to me. –K
Nowadays so many women are either gay or bi altogether, especially the ones that are real man haters as well. And it does make it very extremely difficult for many of us single guys very seriously looking to meet a woman that will actually want a relationship now too. Go figure.
It’s very hard to take this comment seriously.
I never express interest in any woman because there is no evidence that women are – or could be – sexually attracted to me. As such, making a move of any sort would very likely offend / get me into trouble, so I will not go there. I have many women friends who tell me there is nothing wrong with me and that I’m a true gentleman with literally every quality many women want in a boyfriend. My question to them is, if that’s the case, why hasn’t anything ever happened? Not one woman has *ever* expressed the slightest interest in me as anything other than a platonic friend. They respond that most women – even if they are very turned on by a guy – expect him to make the first move. For me, unless I sense a *clear* sign that a woman wants me to do that – and I never have – that’s not going to happen. The conversation usually ends there.
Be confident, take some chances, you’ll be surprised. –K
There will be times for no reason at all when women will curse out many of us single guys when we will try to start a conversation with them by just saying good morning or hello. What is up with that anyway since i know other single friends that had the very same thing happened to them as well. The way i look at it, is that many of these women are very severely mentally disturbed to begin with to act that way which as i can see that they really need help very badly.
Mentally disturbed? Where are you running into these women who are cursing you out for no reason at all? Seems like you’re trolling, tbh.
There is no evidence that any woman is – or could – be attracted to me at all, I don’t see how this is limiting. It’s reality. I am not willing to put myself in a situation where there is a reasonable chance of being charged with harassment for just saying hello.
I think you commented over a dozen times now, with nothing of value to add to the conversation. Time to shut it down.
As I said, there is no credible evidence that any woman could ever be interested in me or that I have what it takes to attract a woman. This is a fact – and as such my only option is never to express interest.
It’s on you. Peace.
“Take some chances” at what? What do I do? The fact is I literally have no idea what to do to even “take a chance”. I’ve read lots on how to make a move but no matter how clear the tips are, I don’t know what to actually *do* – I literally can’t put what I read into practice.
Cool, Doug.
It doesn’t matter where I approach women. I am fundamentally unattractive and therefore ineligible for romance because no woman could be sexually attracted to me. As such I interact with women I am attracted to with extreme caution to ensure my feelings are not detectable. Loneliness is painful and I would love to know a woman ‘wants’ me. But actually thinking that / wishing for it is pure self delusion. It will never happen because it can’t.
I hear ya.
Surprised? At how fast an accusation can be leveled at a fundamentally unattractive man like me? Why would I “take chances” when there is zero chance of anything positive happening? While I appreciate my women friends’ kind words, they know inside as well as I do that there is no chance of me attracting any woman sexually no matter what. This has nothing to do with confidence – it’s reality.
Cool story, bro.
There is zero evidence that any woman could be attracted to me. As a rational person, until there is proof a woman is attracted to me, I cannot “just believe” any woman could because it would be delusional.
Do you man. Thoughts are powerful, remember that.
Respect to you Khoi for remaining professional and positive in this comment section. Jeez, I almost think the same guy made 20 accounts and copy/pasted the same comment. Guys, quit the self-loathing/pity and get a grip. I grew up shy, fat and black. You wanna know what?
I faced the fear in college and went out there and talked to women. I got blown out but I also made great conversations, smiles and friends. Now I’m starting to go clubbing and it’s easier after all that practice. Now I’ve had hugs, arm touches, and maybe a little grind 😏 I still get blown out but have the cops been called? Has my career been ruined? All this fear mongering online is garbage. If you come online looking for help, take the advice and stop wasting the author’s time complaining about how you won’t even try because (insert lame excuse because you’re scared here).
Hey Mark, appreciate the level headed comment. I really hope that men don’t think like the men in these comments. I’m beginning to think they’re bots. Will probably shut down this comment section since it’s not really adding any value to the discussion at hand. Again, thanks for sharing your experience. -KN
Unfortunately more bad than good ones.
Please share your suggestions.
That guy above your comment is on target though, since i had that happen to me as well. Women today unfortunately are very dangerous to approach, and it really is like playing with fire for many of us serious single guys really looking for love now. No joke.
Cool.
Take a group ballroom dance class. It helped me tremendously in being able to approach and talk to women. In group classes you rotate partners as you learn the dance steps, so you have natural opportunities to speak to multiple women. Learning to dance also gives you self confidence.
Ken, that’s a great idea! Glad to hear that’s worked out for you. -KN
Approach success is rare, in the day, in somewhere like the UK, a feminism hell hole.
The worst in Britain, is to be totally ignored when you go up and introduce yourself. This I can handle. The average british woman has mental health problems, or is gullible at street level. I have heard some tales of women actually cursing, but they are not brave enough to do it here.
Few women actually like the direct approach here, though I might need to choose my time, or refine the method a little.
Do what works for you. Worst thing is not trying. –K
This whole comment tells me why none of you get women. You all have the mindset it won’t work out. Woman feel your negativity. Why don’t you stop saying it won’t work, and actually try the suggestions? Women can smell the “poor you” you’re excreting
Finally, someone who gets it! It’s all in the mind. A bit of confidence, even if you’re just ‘faking’ it can go a long way. Cheers, –K.