Hey my fellow gents! I want to play a game with you…
Let’s play “What Do You Do?”
Here’s the scenario, you’re at a bar/venue/event/etc., and you see a beautiful woman smiling at you from across the room/bar/whatever.
What do you do?
Did you freeze?
Totally blow it?
Okay, okay, let me give you an easier scenario. You are at an event/bar/whatever and you want to meet girls.
What do you do?
I’ll wait…Having a tough time with this one too?
Yeah, I understand, and I’ve gone through the same thing. Sometimes, I still have issues if we are being honest. Fear not though gentlemen, for I am going to share some solid tips for meeting and approaching women when you are out and about.
There are two main ways you can approach women: directly and indirectly. Equally effective, both options offer easy and actionable techniques to implement into your communication and potential connection with a girl.
How To Meet Women: The Indirect Approach
Indirect is my personal favorite style for meeting women, approaching women, and just meeting new people in general. This style is based on creating a “party bubble” around you that brings women to you. Here’s how we can accomplish this.
1. Post Up At High Traffic Points
- Bar – The high traffic points would be the elbows (corners) of the bar. This is where everyone will be coming and going to get their drinks
- Party/Event – If there is an open bar, make that your station, if not, post up near the refreshment/food table. Everyone will be coming for a drink or bite to eat. This is the perfect spot to initiate friendly conversation.
- Concert or club (where there is dancing) – The area between the dance floor and the seating area. This is where girls will be walking to the dance floor or coming from the dance floor.
2. Send A Positive Vibe
- Make sure to be in a positive mood, give off positive vibes and show that you are having fun. Women will notice this and will naturally gravitate towards you.
- Do not be that scowling guy in the corner or spending the entire time with your head down in your phone. Would you want to be around that person? Thought so.
- Don’t be shy, and get out on the dance floor, drink in hand. More often than not, women will be receptive to you if you’re smiling and have a positive demeanor, which brings us to the next point.
3. Cheers Everyone As They Walk By
- Everyone always smiles and returns the gesture
- The guy who reaches out positively is seen as being fun, open, inviting and social
- This is an easy way to connect with women and a low risk if you fear rejection
- You will gain confidence with each friendly interaction
4. Have A Smile On Your Face, ALWAYS
- No one wants to interact with someone who looks like they are grumpy
- The magnetism of a smile will naturally attract women and make initiating conversation easier
- Studies show that when you smile, you release endorphins that ultimately make you feel better
5. Look Like You Belong
- Be confident in your own skin, comfortable where you are, and take everything in while having a good time. Have you ever seen that guy that just seems like he knows exactly what he’s doing and that he belongs there? Be that guy.
- Stand tall, shoulders back, arms by sides, head nodding to the music, smile on your face and enjoying your drink.
- Here’s an actionable pro-tip: before you enter any room, imagine there is a string attached to the top of your head. Adjust your posture, keep your head up, take a deep breath and walk confidently to wherever it is that you’re headed.
These are five solid, actionable tips for an indirect way to meet girls. I guarantee that if you use some of these tips, women will approach you and make it easier for you to engage in conversation with them.
Check out this resource from The Art of Charm for more information and in-depth details of these techniques.
Now that we’ve covered the indirect approach, let’s move on to the direct approach and how to talk to girls.
How To Meet Women: The Direct Approach
The direct approach is what most guys think of when they decide they want to meet girls while out. This approach is when you randomly walk up to a girl you’ve never met before and start a conversation with her.
This approach requires self-confidence and zero fear of rejection. Let’s be real though, rejection is part of this game, so……get used to it. Let’s dive into actionable tips to make approaching girls directly a lot easier!
6. Approaching Women (The 5-Second Rule)
- This is the rule I use often. It’s simple – you see a girl you like, count to 5 and go approach her. If you wait longer than 5 seconds, you will overthink and I guarantee it will become a crash and burn situation.
- A lot can happen in just 5 seconds. The great thing is that the more you practice this, the more it will become second nature. In time, you will be approaching girls left and right. With this single act of courage, you might even meet your future girlfriend or wife.
- Check out this video with added tips on how to approach women using the 5 second rule.
7. How To Talk To A Girl (Never Overthink)
- Just go for it. Girls want you to come talk to them. Don’t worry about what you are going to say or how you will look. Just be yourself and be confident.
- Always keep it simple when you approach a girl. Instead of complimenting her on how beautiful she looks (you know she gets this all the time), point out a peculiar endearing quirk that you noticed about her. This might be too much for an opener, but is something you can lay out after building some rapport. Better to be different than dishing out lame one liners, right?
- Another talking point is to compliment her personal style rather than her physical appearance. If she’s rocking a dope leather jacket or statement accessories, tell her how cool you think they are. This will more than likely elicit a friendly response and an easy ice breaker.
8. If She Makes Eye Contact Or Smiles At You
- Go talk to her now!!!! This is a clear sign she’s okay with you coming to say “Hey”, so utilize this opportunity to make your move.
- This one goes hand in hand with the 5 second rule. If you wait longer than 5 seconds, chances are that you will not take action and it will be even harder to approach and talk to a girl the next time. It is true, that he who hesitates is lost.
- “But, what if she’s not smiling at me?” The key is to set yourself up for future success. When a girl smiles in your direction, that gives you an in with her, regardless if she was smiling at you or not. It would be rude of her not to be receptive. And she will more likely respect your confidence to make the approach. Remember, the more you take action, the easier approaching women will become.
9. Stay Positive
- Have a blast with walking up to a girl and talking to her. You must realize, not many guys have what it takes to even do this, so already you’re way ahead of the curve.
- Confidence is key. If you feel like you’re not confident well…FAKE IT!! Fake it till you make it. If you believe you are confident, then eventually you will become confident.
- Girls can pick up on your confidence and positivity. So, make sure you have at least both. You can have the corniest conversation, make embarrassing mistakes, and yet if you’re confident, positive and fun, I can guarantee she will overlook that and continue to converse with you.
10. Tell Yourself, “I Hope I Like This Girl” As You Approach Her
Go in with the mindset that you’re hoping you like her and not hoping she likes you.
- This flips the script. This is the positive self-talk you should have running through your mind when talking to any woman. You know you’re pretty awesome, you just want to find out if she’s just as awesome. If she doesn’t like you…that’s okay! You know you’re awesome already and never needed that validation from a woman. It’s her loss if she doesn’t realize it.
- Ultimately, it’s all about confidence and knowing the value that you bring to the table.
- A good book for this mentality is Models by Mark Manson.
Alright gents, so I just gave 10 proven tips for meeting women and now that you’re equipped with a variety of tips for both styles (direct and indirect) of approaching women, I want you to remember the following.
For whatever technique you decide to use, be confident, be yourself, stand tall, SMILE (I can’t emphasize this enough), and have open/positive body language.
When you are successful using any of these techniques and you find yourself engaging with a woman you like, get her number then move on back to your group.
You want to move on so you don’t overplay your hand, it lessens the chance of making a mistake and it makes both her and you excited to plan the date and see each other.
I will delve into conversations, body language and confidence building in the next article. For now, give this advice a try and work through it! I look forward to hearing how you guys make out with these!
Note: This post was originally published in December 2019. Content has since been updated for clarity and thoroughness. Hope you enjoyed!
Mike Forrest is founder of The Sophisticated Gentleman and a lover of self-improvement and the gentleman lifestyle. His quest for being a better man has led him to learn the art of socializing and dating. He loves to share his knowledge on these matters and all matters gentleman related.
Which of these tips are you going to implement?
Let’s continue the discussion over in the Gentlemen Within Private Facebook Community.
Looking forward to seeing you in there.
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